I'm a mom

So I had a baby! haha. It is sad to me that I am just now journaling about it. I've blogged about my sweet baby angel on our family blog, but I still haven't written his birth story down. He's now 3 months.

My sweet little baby boy. He is amazing. I love his soft skin and his sweet smiles. I love cuddling him. There is nothing more perfect and life changing than holding a sleeping infant in your arms. I sing to him all the time. Poor kid, lol. One of the songs I sing is, "I lived in heaven a long time ago..." I first chose to sing it to him because I wanted to teach him about the Plan of Salvation (I know he's just a baby, but it can't hurt to start teaching him so young...). As I was singing it I had to start over and change the words to, "I lived in heaven a short time ago, it is true..." As silly as it is, I teared up. It was amazingly beautiful to me to realize that this little soul in my arms was with his Father in Heaven just days before. That absolutely humbles me. Heavenly Father let go of this little boy and placed him in my arms. I can't help but think, "are you sure you want to do that?" I have no idea what I'm doing. In fact, daily I think the words, "I'm a horrible mother." I lose patience at the drop of a hat. I am guilty of putting my needs before the needs of my baby. I'm awful. Why does Heavenly Father trust me with this baby? Should He? But I do have faith that He knows what He is doing. I also have faith that He can change me into the mother that my baby needs me to be.

I truly believe that my main purpose on this earth is to be a mother. My patriarchal blessing tells me to be a mother and a wife that I may instill in the hearts and minds of my children the things that will lead them back to our Father in Heaven. Although I stink at it now, I am trying. I am focusing my efforts on teaching A who he is and how to return to Heavenly Father. Every day we read from the illustrated version of the Book of Mormon and we pray together. I am trying hard to be the mother he needs, to be the mother that Heavenly Father needs me to be.